


so essential you feel to me now

by crookedspoon



Category: Compilation of Final Fantasy VII
Genre: Arguing, Banter, Deepthroating, Emotionally Constipated Character(s), Face-Fucking, Hair Kink, Love Confessions, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-18
Updated: 2021-01-18
Packaged: 2021-03-17 03:27:05
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,418
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28842342
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/crookedspoon/pseuds/crookedspoon
Summary: Rufus knows he fucked up, but that doesn't mean he's just going to sit back and let Sephiroth blow up in his face about it.Or, the one in which Rufus derails Sephiroth's attempts to have an argument with him.
Relationships: Sephiroth/Rufus Shinra
Comments: 2
Kudos: 13
Collections: Bulletproof 20/21





	so essential you feel to me now

**Author's Note:**

  * For [DoreyG](https://archiveofourown.org/users/DoreyG/gifts).



> Prompts used:  
> \- Passionate first kiss after near-death experience  
> \- Receiver pets/strokes/pulls/otherwise touches giver’s hair during oral sex  
> \- Kisses - pressed against the back of the neck and/or along bare/mostly-bare shoulders  
> \- Character A confesses their feelings for Character B when they think B is sleeping
> 
> With variations on the themes of:  
> \- Intense fucking while still covered in blood and banged up after solving a crime  
> \- BECAUSE I LOVE YOU- oops I Said That Out Loud  
> \- Just Because We Had Sex Doesn't Mean We Have To Admit To Feelings
> 
> Hi DoreyG, I hope you don't mind me taking all your prompts and stuffing them into a blender. They were just all so good. Canon knowledge is not required for this story, as it's set before canon and these two characters never really meet anyway. [Sephiroth](https://sephirothism.tumblr.com/post/618559419858419712/seven-seconds-til-the-end) \- tall, dark, and handsome. [Rufus](https://higgmonaghan.tumblr.com/post/619759658317627392) \- cunning, resourceful, and also handsome. As almost everyone in the Remake is lol

By the time the elevator dings, Rufus had taken off his blood-spattered coat, washed his face and hands, and poured himself his second glass of whiskey. The first had done little to dull the edge of the adrenaline still coursing through his veins. Sephiroth storms into his penthouse, not even bothering with the usual niceties, and shoves Rufus against the nearest wall. His drink sloshes over his fingers.

Rufus had expected this kind of greeting, if not quite its forcefulness. Or the kiss that follows. It has an edge of desperation to it that he finds quite delectable. Though it might also be the blood that Sephiroth hadn't taken the time to wipe off. It may just be an act of negligence in the face of higher priorities – such as confronting Rufus – but he can't rule out the possibility that it's a ploy. Sephiroth must know by now what seeing him soaked in blood does to Rufus.

The kiss ends just as abruptly as it began.

"What were you thinking?!" Sephiroth snaps.

"I already had that conversation with my security detail," Rufus says, a little short of breath. "You can ask for their report in the morning."

He seeks out Sephiroth's lips again but instead of giving him what he wants, Sephiroth rests his forehead against Rufus's. It's tacky with coagulating blood.

"If I wanted the official version, I wouldn't be here," he growls. 

Coming from Sephiroth, that growl is somewhat surprising. It takes a lot to anger him – in fact, Rufus has never once seen him lose his temper, and Sephiroth is doing his best to keep it in check even now. His grip on Rufus's shoulders tightens, making his bones creak dangerously. It would take no effort at all for Sephiroth to snap them with a clench of his fists.

Perhaps that's what makes Rufus want to drag Sephiroth to the bedroom all the sooner. That prized control. How he loves to see it under strain.

He knocks the rest of his drink back, closes his eyes to savour the burn, and tosses his tumbler to the side where it won't get in the way. It shatters against the stone floor. Sephiroth's attention is split for no more than a half-second, but it's all the opening Rufus needs to work his hands into Sephiroth's hair and to pull him into another heated kiss.

That Sephiroth lets him do this in the first place is a testament to how much he wants it himself. Rufus could no more overpower him than he could overpower a speeding train. But he _can_ guide his desire.

"I want you," he breathes, and he's not even lying about that. He never lies about how much he wants Sephiroth.

"We're not done having this conversation."

"I am." He slips one hand beneath Sephiroth's coat to the naked skin underneath and twines the other harder around Sephiroth's hair.

"You're not getting out of this."

"Watch me." Rufus is about to drop to his knees when Sephiroth catches him by the arrm. Apparently, he knows him too well by now.

"Rufus," he warns.

But Rufus is not one to be deterred easily. "Sex first, arguments later."

Sephiroth pushes out an annoyed breath. "I hate you for doing this."

"Not enough to keep you from wanting it, too," Rufus says, because it's always a triumph to feel just how hard Sephiroth is for him.

"What was it that you called me?"

"You'll have to be more specific. I called you many things. Stunning. Gorgeous." He grins shamelessly. _"Mine."_

"Masochist."

"Well, you are." Rufus twists his hand around Sephiroth's hair and _tugs,_ just to demonstrate.

And true to form, Sephiroth's eyes flutter. He doesn't even bother suppressing his moan. Again, Rufus has the greatest urge to drag Sephiroth to the bedroom and have his way with him, but this is not the time. Sephiroth is still crushing him against the wall, and there's no escaping that death grip short of bringing him to orgasm. Which he has indicated not to be interested in right now. A shame, really.

"Don't think just because I'm doing this, I'm not still angry with you." Sephiroth's slitted eyes are piercing his own as he makes short work of his belt and trousers.

"Wouldn't dream of it."

Rufus knows when he's in trouble but he seems to invite it every time, all the same. Being in trouble with Sephiroth usually only has perks. For him, at least. His enemies would tell a different story.

Sephiroth tucks his hair behind his ear and gathers errand strands at his back as he kneels in front of Rufus. Unable to keep his hands to himself, Rufus brushes Sephiroth's blood-flecked bangs out of his eyes. That gesture is perhaps too tender for the charged atmosphere in the room, but Rufus has a history of poor impulse control around Sephiroth.

He's had ample time to go over this in his mind, but he can think of few sights hotter than Sephiroth about to blow him. Those few that are include Sephiroth in more advanced stages of undress – and loosening restraint.

Sephiroth gives him no chance to dwell on it: he swallows Rufus down without preamble, as though the act itself were a punishment. Rufus groans like he was punched in the gut. Sephiroth's mouth is hot and wet and brutal, wrenching pleasure from him as though prying him open with a crowbar. The most he can do is watch Sephiroth strip him layer by layer like that until he's a gasping, quivering mess. 

Rufus is raking his fingers through Sephiroth's hair, luxuriating in the softness of it. His hands clench into fists, grasping and pulling involuntarily, as if trying to slow Sephiroth down. It's always maddening to be at his mercy, to want so desperately to be able to thrust into that beautiful, devastating mouth, only to be barred from it by Sephiroth's forbidding grip. Rufus knows from experience that his hips will be black and blue tomorrow where Sephiroth is all but crushing them against the wall. It's a small price to pay – perhaps he ought to piss Sephiroth off more often because this blowjob is to die for. And in a way, he almost did die for it.

He's so close, so damn close, and all he wants is to fuck Sephiroth's pretty face with abandon. His fingers are clenching harder around his hair and his spine is bending over in the most unhealthy way when Sephiroth's momentum starts flagging. He's been blowing him with laser focus from the get-go and just as Rufus was about to get there, he slows down, takes his time, really savours the feel of Rufus's cock in his mouth. Or so it seems.

And then, again without preamble, Sephiroth takes him all the way into his throat. Rufus bangs his head against the wall and nearly chokes on his own spit.

Sephiroth moans around his length and Rufus is about to vibrate out of his skin. His eyes roll into the back of his head, his fingers alternately comb through Sephiroth's long silver strands and pull at them, and it seems to be this that is distracting Sephiroth from his single-minded goal of bringing Rufus to orgasm so that they could have a talk.

Vaguely, Rufus is aware of his unfair grip in Sephiroth's hair. Sephiroth has one exploitable weakness and it's exploitable only by Rufus: he likes having his hair pulled during sex. When he's in the right mood for it, a simple tug is enough to drain the strength right out of him. 

Under normal circumstances, using this advantage would have been a deliberate move. And maybe he _had_ tried to use it earlier, but he also just really loves running his fingers through Sephiroth's incredibly soft hair. Even now, that's all he wants to do. Comb his fingers along Sephiroth's scalp and kiss his blood-spattered brows, his nose, his cheeks. It's his own exploitable weakness.

A part of Rufus – some small part that's aware of this weakness – laughs at himself for how helplessly he's drawn to Sephiroth, how easily that man can bring him to his knees, even when he's the one kneeling.

He forces himself to let go. Smooths his hands over Sephiroth's head one last time, much like a pat, before gripping the collar of his coat instead.

Sephiroth gazes up at him, eyes half-lidded and gleaming, but still sharp as ever. He swallows around Rufus and pulls off.

"Don't stop now," he says, with a rough edge to his voice.

He turns his head, without breaking eye contact, and kisses the edge of Rufus's wrist. Rufus inhales sharply and, a moment later, runs his thumb across Sephiroth's cheek. Another moment later, he releases Sephiroth's collar and brushes his knuckles over his cheek as well. Sephiroth's eyelids flutter but his gaze holds. 

"I could say the same to you," Rufus replies and grips a handful of Sephiroth's gorgeous hair at the back of his neck.

Sephiroth smiles one of his secretive smiles even as Rufus rubs his slick cock against the blood on his face. Rufus groans. This is such a good look on Sephiroth.

Gently, Rufus combs his fingers through the strands Sephiroth had tucked behind his ear. Sephiroth breathes a sigh. It turns into a full-throated moan the second Rufus twists another handful of Sephiroth's hair around his fist. 

"I'm going to fuck your pretty face now," Rufus says fondly, "and you're going to let it happen."

The grip on his hips is still bruising, still arresting any movement, but Sephiroth actually does let him guide his head along his cock. It's so good to finally be able to exert some control again. Sephiroth had been going too hard too fast, probably intending to knock Rufus off his feet – perhaps even literally. But this, now _this_ is so much better. He might have preferred if he was the one to hold Sephiroth still while he fucked his mouth, but this works as well. Sephiroth's hair sways back and forth as Rufus uses his head like a prop.

Except, no prop could fix him with a gaze so smoldering his suit might catch fire at any moment. Moisture is gathering at the corners of his eyes as Rufus continues breaching his throat, but he barely even blinks at the rough treatment. He just lets the tears roll down his dirty face as though they weren't there in the first place. But they are, and they only serve to make Sephiroth more beautiful.

Sephiroth's hair slips from his fingers as he rests his hands on either side of his head, his thumbs sliding over the wet mess on his cheeks. Rufus is overheated and tingling, riding that knife's edge between release and letdown as he pushes all the way inside. Sephiroth's throat works to accommodate him and it's the most exquisite feeling. Rufus allows himself to close his eyes and rest his head back against the wall, to really focus on the sensation of Sephiroth trying not to choke on his cock. He's so close. His breathing is ragged, his eyes beginning to prickle. He blinks the unshed tears away, but it's so good. It's so damn good.

He comes with a strangled cry as Sephiroth pushes a hand beneath his shirt and rakes his gloved fingers over his chest. His whole body trembles. Fuck, but he's missed Sephiroth's touch.

It takes him a moment to catch his breath. Sephiroth seems not to have moved. He's still kneeling in front of Rufus, eyes still locked on his and lips still wrapped around his softening cock. Rufus tries to ease his hold on Sephiroth's head and wipes his thumbs over his glistening cheeks, smearing flecks of dried blood across the skin. He's ruffled Sephiroth's usually impeccable exterior quite a bit, and he greatly appreciates the sight.

A smile twists his lips as he pats Sephiroth's hair, trying to smooth down some of the damage. He has the strong urge to kiss the top of his head, too, but his sense of equilibrium has been shot since the explosion earlier. It already takes some effort to keep himself upright without wavering. Sephiroth working him over like that has not improved his condition. If anything, it has exacerbated it. His muscles are jittery and his knees might buckle out from under him if he took a step away from the wall at his back. Its solidity is comforting.

Rufus winces as Sephiroth pulls back and lets his cock slip from his mouth. The air is cold on his wet skin, in counterpart to the searing heat that is thrumming through his body and burning away his thoughts, leaving his head swimming with a strange sort of lightness. Not as strange as the sense of loss he experiences the moment Sephiroth lets go of his hips as well, but something he would much rather examine. He rubs his hips to rid himself of the feel and tucks himself back into his underwear – without bothering to do up his trousers. Let Sephiroth make of that what he will.

Not that he is sparing him a glance. He focuses on steadying himself – no doubt willing himself to ignore the considerable erection Rufus will have to do something about – before rising to his feet. He does so with noticeably more grace than Rufus could have mustered, but then again, Sephiroth is inhuman grace personified. Knowing that makes Rufus feel a little less like an undignified oaf for slumping where he stands, but only barely. 

He takes a breath to centre himself and pushes off the wall.

A spell of vertigo tugs at him as he steps toward Sephiroth, but he ignores the spots clouding his vision. He blinks them clear. Sephiroth is touching his lips, appearing as if dazed by what just happened – even though Rufus is the one who had his mind blown. 

He plucks his pocket square from his vest pocket, shakes it out with a quick flick of the wrist, and reaches up to dab Sephiroth's glistening cheeks with it. He manages to wipe off some blood and grime before Sephiroth grabs his wrist to stop him. Their eyes meet in a deadlock. For several heartbeats they stand there, staring at each other, not moving a muscle. Sephiroth's look ancient and tired. Neither of them speaks.

Abruptly, Sephiroth releases Rufus and stalks off into the bathroom. He's stripping off his gloves as he walks.

Rufus watches him leave, exhales, and makes his way toward his liquor cabinet. Drinks are in order. For him and Sephiroth, both.

He finds Sephiroth bent over the sink, washing his face. His upper body is naked, though his hair covers much of what Rufus would have wanted to appreciate. He moves closer as Sephiroth dabs his face dry and places the second crystal tumbler he's carrying onto the countertop. Sephiroth frowns at it for a moment over his towel before Rufus raises his own glass in salute.

"Cheers," he says and takes a swig.

Sephiroth watches him. Then he straightens, exchanges the offered glass with the one Rufus is still holding, and knocks back the contents. He grimaces as he sets the glass aside.

"I never understood how that calms your nerves," Sephiroth says with a rasp to voice and wipes his mouth.

"Drink a few more and you'll see."

Sephiroth raises an eyebrow. This is not the time to test his superior tolerance. 

Rufus swirls the amber liquid in his own glass. The crystal clinks against the countertop as he sets it down as well. He places his tie pin next to it, then pulls his tie out of its loop.

"What are you doing?" Sephiroth asks.

Rufus answers him with an eyebrow tilt of his own. Sephiroth turns his back, apparently not wanting to watch.

"Essai nearly died today," he says, as though that ought to stop Rufus from undressing.

Rufus can't say he recognises the name, but Sephiroth's familiarity with it indicates that he was another SOLDIER assigned to the job.

"And you blame me for it," he says, taking off his vest.

Sephiroth's glittering eyes find his in the mirror. "You were supposed to evacuate with the rest."

"Perhaps." Rufus continues to pretend he's not really a part of this conversation: he unbuttons his dress shirt and tugs the tails out of his open trousers. "Just as you were supposed to hold your position."

"I— yes." Sephiroth's face hardens, his lips compress. "I acted without thinking. I should have led the attack. Instead, I abandoned my post and left my men to fend for themselves. That should never have happened."

"And yet you're angry with _me."_ Stepping up behind Sephiroth, Rufus brushes his hair over one shoulder. He wants to feel his skin against his chest when he embraces him.

Sephiroth's muscles stiffen at the contact. "I'm angry with you for putting me in that position in the first place."

"I didn't make you abandon your post," he says, kissing the top of Sephiroth's shoulder. _He's_ the one who insists on being angry. Rufus doesn't have to play into that.

"You made me have to choose between saving you and leading my team."

"I didn't need saving." Though he might need saving now. Beneath the odor of smoke and ashes clinging to Sephiroth, the floral scent of his shampoo is still as intoxicating as ever.

"You were in danger!"

He meets Sephiroth's gaze in the mirror, lips grazing his neck, nails grazing his pecs. "Debatable."

"I forget." Sephiroth lets his head fall back and stares at Rufus over his shoulder. "Being held at gunpoint is like a sport to you."

"Certainly happens often enough." Rufus shrugs and leans in.

"You don't have to go and invite it." Sephiroth frowns, jerking his head to the side just as Rufus was about to kiss him. He shoulders out of Rufus's embrace. "What were you hoping to achieve with your heroics? We could have secured the area without casualties if you hadn't interfered. A good man nearly got killed because of your actions today. You want to lead Shinra one day, but are those the actions of a leader?"

"I admit what I did was unwise." He also admits that Sephiroth's rejection stings a little. "But how was I to know that today of all days you'd act rashly as well? That's not like you."

"Do you think I'm not aware of how that incident will reflect on me? I went against everything I was ever taught about protocol just to save your behind."

"Then why did you?" Rufus turns his attention to his boots next, lifting one onto the rim of the tub and unlacing it.

"You don't get it, do you?" Sephiroth's heated voice becomes eerily quiet. "After all this time, you still don't get it."

"Get what?" Rufus asks, tossing his boot aside. "That saving civilian lives is worth the risk? I'm hardly a civilian. So why not ignore me and stay on course, as you should have?"

"Because I love you, you idiot!"

The words strike between them like a thunderclap. They both fall silent. Sephiroth covers his mouth as though embarrassed by what he said. There's a mild reproach in his eyes, just as there was when he blamed Rufus for his comrade's injuries. 

"Well," Rufus says eventually, still bent over his leg, frozen in the act of unlacing his second boot. "That's new."

"Is it?" Sephiroth clears his throat, trying to regain some composure. "Remind me again how long we've been together."

"We haven't."

"Then what would you call this?"

"Sex, nothing more."

Sephiroth sizes him up with his discerning, and disconcerting, eyes. "It's always been more than that."

Rufus straightens, not shying away from that gaze. "You're welcome to think that."

"That's all I get?"

"What more do you want?" Rufus asks, toeing off his boot and kicking it toward its mate. 

"I don't know." Sephiroth scratches his head, actually looking bashful now. "I guess I was hoping for you to confirm that I mean something to you."

"Seph." Rufus walks toward him and takes his face in both hands. "You're a general in the army I will one day inherit. Of course you _mean_ something to me."

"I meant to you personally," Sephiroth says with a surprisingly ostentatious eye-roll, "not in your bid to keep your throne secure."

"Look." Rufus lets his hands slide to Sephiroth's shoulders. "What you just said—"

"That I love you?"

"Yes."

"You can't even say the words," Sephiroth needles him, eyes crinkling in amusement. "Are you afraid your tongue will burst into flame?"

"What you said, I've heard it all before. I mean, I'm rich. I'm attractive. I'm powerful. People are drawn in by that."

"And what? You just lump me in with the rest? Forget that I've liked you even before you had any of these attributes?"

"You expect special treatment now?"

"I expect you not to disregard everything we've had until now."

"Sweetheart, you can try to wheedle a confession out of me all you want, but I have none to give." Rufus turns and lets his trousers and underwear drop to the floor. "Now, you can decide whether that's a dealbreaker for you or whether you wouldn't rather get in here and fuck me."

As he steps into the shower, he throws Sephiroth a challenging look over his shoulder.

"So you're not afraid that my feelings for you might be catching?" Sephiroth asks, making short work of the buckles of his own boots, obviously intent on accepting that invitation.

"Are _you_ worried I'm taking advantage of them?"

"No." Sephiroth huffs out a quiet laugh as he sheds his last bits of clothing. "I _know_ you're taking advantage of them."

"And you're okay with that?"

Sephiroth's expression turns predatory as he crowds into the shower.

"If I get to do this?" He slides behind Rufus, wraps his arms around his chest, and kisses the skin just below his earlobe. "I think I'll manage."

\---

Rufus can't stop thinking about it. The fact that he's thinking about it at all is a new one. He's never had trouble brushing aside confessions before. They'd come from sycophants, from nitwits blinded by his charm, from debutantes who saw no further than his status or his money. From people of no consequence to him.

But Sephiroth... Sephiroth might be the one person who knows him in ways no one else does. Just as he knows versions of Sephiroth that the man would never let his fans or even his comrades see.

He's always taken this bond with Sephiroth for granted, like just another part of his life. It didn't need words to label it. Is it the same for Sephiroth? Rufus has never thought about his side of things before. Is 'love' the label _he_ has chosen?

Does Rufus not agree with it? Does he love Sephiroth? If not, what _is_ it that he feels for him? Could he call it love? As much as he dislikes the uncertainty, or admitting to ignorance, he can't say he's qualified to answer that question.

"You just had to drop that bombshell, didn't you?" he murmurs and strokes Sephiroth's hair. His fingers through it like liquid. Sephiroth must have found the time to deep condition it in between his attempts at fucking Rufus's lights out – which he apparently succeeded in, because Rufus would have remembered not being allowed to touch it while the product set.

Sephiroth doesn't stir, although it's a miracle he can sleep at all. The way he's half curled against Rufus and half collapsed on top of him doesn't seem comfortable. Perhaps the exhaustion of the day is finally catching up with him.

Rufus is no stranger to that. He still can't move his legs, and not just because Sephiroth has thrown his own around them. 

"Does this change anything?" Sephiroth had asked in the shower, as they were both devouring each other. "My feelings for you, do they change anything?"

"Should they?" Rufus had asked in return, not at all ready to have that conversation. Or to think about anything other than Sephiroth's lips that were bruised from so much kissing, and how he really wanted Sephiroth inside him.

"I just... I need to have you, Rufus." Sephiroth conveyed that need with his whole body as he pinned Rufus against the cold tiles. Despite being wet like an eel, he couldn't have wiggled out of that hold even had he wanted to. "After that scare today... The thought of losing you— I want to have you, and I don't intend to stop until you can't feel your legs anymore."

"Tall order," Rufus had joked, although his legs had already been trembling. 

And Sephiroth had made good on his promise. For a time, Rufus couldn't even move his tongue anymore and still he kept going.

At least nothing has changed on that front. If they could still have sex like teenagers who hadn't seen each other in a year, Rufus doesn't mind having to reassess everything he thought he knew about their relationship. Or not mind it too much.

"I guess," he murmurs at the ceiling, "I guess I can't stand the thought of losing you either."

"Why, Rufus," Sephiroth mumbles against his chest. "Is that your way of saying 'I love you, too'?"

Rufus's hand clenches in Sephiroth's hair. It was shock, not intention, but Sephiroth's moan is beautiful either way.

"Did you just pretend to be asleep the entire time? Did you think I was going to pour my heart out to you when I thought you wouldn't hear?"

"Or maybe I just sensed when you'd give me the answer I was waiting for."

"Oh, did I? All I said was that I'd hate to lose you. I'd really miss the sex."

"You know," Sephiroth says and rests his head against his hand. His eyes glow in the dark. "You don't have to say anything if you don't want to. I already know you love me, too."

Rufus makes a disgusted sound in the back of his throat. "You're insufferable. Go back to sleep."

He rolls onto his side, his back demonstratively turned to Sephiroth. Who just uses the opportunity to spoon him like he did when he was taking him slow and deep. Rufus is entirely spent, but the thought still stirs something low in his gut.

"See?" Sephiroth says and kisses his shoulder. "That wasn't a denial."


End file.
